Every morning at work, before I start my day, I grab my coffee, and spend an untold amount of time sifting through the spam blocked by our server, making sure it hasn’t blocked that one e-mail that I just might want…especially the one that says I’ve won a million dollars if I don a burka and just open an account in Abu Dhabi.

Since we have the “firewall on steroids” at our office, sifting through these time wasters has become a daily necessity. Although I’ve trained myself to scan and shudder through them like my eyes are having mini-seizures, my coworker admits she just usually hits the delete key without reading them.

But yesterday I decided to do an experiment and consciously try – without actually opening them (who da fool!?) – to decipher what could possibly be inside these e-mails that makes some technolamo hacker get his rocks off by inundating us with them.

Actually, some of the subject lines made me chuckle, whilst my coffee blurted out my nose:

Women love men with large toolas, get a larger tool today!
(Toolas? (sp?) I wonder if Craftsman Tools knows it has some very “stiff” competition…oh, I didn’t say that)

Russian dating site.
(Why do I envision Ray Charles singing “Georgia on My Mind”?)

From Jesus Cornell
(Oooo, maybe I should open this one, it’s from Jaaaaiizus!!! Praise the Lord! And forgive me for I know not what I’ve done.)

No Pumps! No Surgery! No Exercises!
(You mean if I wear high heels, that I’ll need surgery and exercises?  Yeah, I care.)

Your Job is at stake.
(NOT gonna open this one….well, maybe it’s a safe one. Besides, they couldn’t afford to replace me.)

From Guadalupe Grubbs…
(Sounds like something at the bottom of one of my Tequila bottles…rhymes with squirm.)

Fully automatic sweeping second hand movement.
(Hmmmm, wonder if my neighbor is having her sex toy party again??)

Huge love weapon is never too much.
(Bullshit! And if he EVER brings weapons to bed, I’m if he wants to bring that fully automatic sweeping second hand…)

You do not want to buy unknown them in stores.
(?) Poor dyslexic nerd…can’t even get his spam right)

Potenzprobleme? Mit uns nicht mehr
(Guess even Hitler had impotence problems…poor Eva, no wonder she took the bullet)

Back to work…


Filed under At Work

2 responses to “Spam-a-Lot

  1. Bird Legs

    This is hilarious! I’ve often wished I didn’t fear the dreaded “virus” that would infect my computer if I opened some of these Spam emails! WANNA SEE MY PICS?


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