Turducken Tots

Just when you thought it was safe to go into the kitchen….oh no you diiiiin’t!!! Oh Martha, this is NOT a good thing! Methinks she had waaayyy too much time on her crafty hands in the slammer, thinking up the next ten years’ worth of entertainment segments from hell’s kitchen.

Martha’s just given a whole new meaning to “Baby Food.”  Her latest cooking program shows her conning some poor attention-starved parents into allowing her to dress their babies just in time for Thanksgiving – literally. Who needs turducken when you can suffocate a poor baby with fancy felt cutouts ‘n feathers attached with a sizzling hot glue gun to lie under even sizzzlier hot lamps? Where are social services when you need them!?

One baby fussed when Martha tried to bury her under a Ceasar Salad.  “But all the other kids get to be beautiful pies and sweet potatoes!! Waaaaa.  Waaaaa.”  Babykins was blacklisted as an underachiever, and sent back to the kitchen where she was tagged with a “not willing to play with others” tag on her foot and sent packin’.

I wonder if Mar fed them all stuffing first — before surrounding them with it — so they’d be nice and sedated with the L-tryptophan. Hopefully so, just long enough for the dads to catch the fourth quarter on the big screen back in the makeup room.

I’m going to think more carefully when I tell my neighbor, who just had a baby, that, “She’s so cute, I could just eat her!”

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