1. Do not befriend your boss/coworkers. You are bound to slip one day and talk about the drunken bash you attended at said other Facebook friend’s house the night before… and someone tags you with the photo of you wearing a lampshade on your head and you call in sick at work the next day….busted. Not only that, but the coworker/boss wasn’t invited. Double busted.
2. Avoid embarassing yourself. You send a gang invitation to 700 people on facebook to meet at a club/bar for a good time. Only one person shows up.
3. Don’t be lazy. You send a gang invitation to everyone in your address book, but then you forget that friend or family member that you cut ties with years ago. That perv uncle is now allowed access to your every move. Dontcha just hate when that happens? You can “x” them off, but now you’re REALLY out of the will.
4. Do check your privacy settings. This gives you control over who can see what. Be sure to check that “friends of friends of friends of friends” cannot see your profile without an invite. See No. 1.
5. Don’t indicate you are in a relationship. Some young adults change that field so often, it’s a death wish for their social life. If you are under 30, your hormones are not settled enough to make that announcement. Just stop it. Only indicate you are in a relationship if: a) she’s your babymama; b) she has a rock the size of gibraltor on her left hand; or c) she/he is your soulmate, and she/he is in agreement on that and you share an emotional prenup.
6. Don’t put your dog/cat as your profile picture. Enough said…you dork. This will prevent you from ever being able to say you are in a relationship! (And that includes you, Barrack, and your new little dog, Toto.) See No. 5.
7. Refrain from discussing politics on your site. Homeland Security is watching, yo.
8. Refrain from posting images of yourself in personality-revealing photos that show you have questionable judgment. This may include excessive display of the following: thongs, pongs, bongs, cleavage, tongues, fingers near tongues, clinging to the porcelain goddess, sliding down a pole (unless your are in the firefighting industry), glimpses of your caslapka, girls behaving badly, studying NFL playbooks.
9. Limit pictures of small children to one or two cutesy photos. We love children as much as you do, but for once, it really is all about you. Enjoy it while you can.
10. Don’t take Facebook personally. Yes, we were all picked last for the kickball team in grade school at one time or another. But just because someone has 1,679,546,649,870 friends, and you only have 10, it’s okay. Just be sure you’ve taken the picture of your cat off your site. See No. 6.
Disssssss-claimer: Cat represents and endorses the accuracy and reliability of the above statements, advice, and opinions. Reliance upon said opinions, advice or statements, although highly suggested, shall be at your own risk. I am not liable for social ineptness or communication line failures you may experience on your Facebook account. No animals were harmed in this production.