Wow, Barbie turns 50 this year. Well, Happy Birthday, Cougar! She’s not only got tits, she’s got tats now!! Yes, parents, Barbie now comes with a tattoo gun for little tykes to embellish the botoxed babe to their heart’s content. The gangsta sign on her left breast must be going over great with the parents out there. I wonder if she’s going to have her lip pierced soon, or her…um.. lips pierced soon..ew.
I remember the luxury of getting only one Barbie during my entire childhood, and I thought I had died and gone to heaven. But, now, it’s like chocolates…so many in the box that it just takes all the delight out of savoring just one. There’s your bad-to-the-bone Harley Barbie Bitch, with burn marks on the inside of her legs from spreadin’ and strapping them across that hot engine..and the black-wanna-be Barbie with detachable weaves and her very own bottles of Shea Butter and Coconut Oil (Chris Brown Abusive Bro sold separately).
Now, I don’t know who these no-lifers are who are complaining that Barbie gives girls a bad body image. It obviously hasn’t worked, seeing how the obesity rate in young girls has gone through the roof. I’m thinking that Barbie never ate three servings of Chicken Nuggets and drank Cokes sitting on her little tush all day texting Ken on her Blackberry. So are these same parents worried that “Career Barbie” might influence their little princess to become some viperous, independent woman? Wooops, too late!!!
I do have to admit that there is one bad, bad evil I think malingered in my psyche after growing up playing with my Barbie. OMG, she had 6,540,342,402,300 pairs of shoes!!! I have a bumper sticker on my car that says, “I brake for DSW.”
But all in all, I think Barbie is not such a bad influence on our daughters. After all, Ken has always just been an accessory, rather than a necessity. There’s a Barbie who says, “Math is hard.” Hell, yeah, it is! You try figuring the per unit cost of each accessory, the dimensions of the 79 closet shelves you need, and the impact her $3 million worth has had on the toy industry.
And she’s scratching that dumb head of hers all the way to the bank…